Haiz... Bored...

Haiz... I am so bored. One week of leave and I have wasted it. Practically doing nothing the whole day. Wanted to go out but don know where to go and wat to do. Most importantly i don know who to go out with.

People say close friends only need to have a few but. I don have much friends to start with. People usually are able to find someone to go out with to eat dinner or watever when they are bored. Or watever.. i realise that i cannot find anyone with maybe except one.

My meeting with people usually in a group of at least 3. Although sometimes my meeting with alvin is the 2 of us only. I find it hard to call anyone and say hey, dinner lets go, people usually ask he free or not she free or not.. if not all don wan liao.. sian.. Maybe i am a boring person and people all don like to go out with me alone. This lead to me lazy to ask people out liao. Anyway, wat can i do when i go out with people ya... i am not good at anything... not good at playing pool or watever.. not good at singing... My singing sucks... lolxx.. What can i say to people man.

Don know what happen, I am feeling quite moody recently. Maybe I am lonely ba. or the introvert personality have become for prominent. Lonely lonely and lonely.... I find it difficult to get anyone to maybe listen to wat i have to say. Even sometimes i feel that wat i going to say is worthless and not worth listen plus i am always repeating myself. I am a shallow person and i have not much deapth and experience to share with people ba. Maybe age is catching up or i am feeling old liao. I wish to have someone who will listen to wat i have to say and understand me. Not much interest in the things i do and not much concern on how i look. People are getting older and wiser but i really cannot see any improvement in myself.

So much regrets and wrong things i have done in my life, how i wish i am to return to the past and get things right again. One of the things i regret the most is never to study hard during A level. More and more of my friends are getting their degree. What am I man? Most of my secondary school and jc friends are degree holders and leading a desirable life. Now even my poly friends are starting to get their degree... I felt so useless...

Happy lucky person some people may look at me. A person who is a spendthrift and spend money without control. Actually I don spend much. I have my own feelings and thinkings which people don seems to understand. I also have my own problems which i don wish to tell people.haha..

Looking at people and thinking a lot. Does true friends really exists? I treat people well and do they do the same thing? They are certain things that i really don understand. Does replying a msg really so difficult and take so much time? Myabe sometime you are really busy, but when you are free, you do return people msg. Why is the basic courteous? How can people return msg the 1 or 2 days later or a few days later. Even some don even reply. People still can say, hey at least i reply u ya.. i don even reply some. thanks ya... sometimes i don even remember wat i msg liao. Am I so insignificent? Does my msg mean nothing to a person?

Even worst, heard that one of my 'used to be' good friend got engage recently and he did not invite any of us lor. very good ya. I thought How can this happen. Even if u not inviting people to ur engagement, u should at least msg and say hey i getting engaged. After a while, someone told me that he had not get engage yet but lost his phone so he did not reply to any of our msg. Lost liao and don bother to find out his friends number again? OUTSTANDING!!!

Another case, got 1 good friend of mine not feeling very good with her current job, and feeling depressed. it happen that we are talking abt it, so encouraged her and is constantly msging her everyday to encourage her. Coz i been thru depressed state maybe not depression yet. I know that encouragement is good. DO YOU KNOW WHEN I FEELING DEPRESSED maybe for the start people are still listening to me but in the end, many are only thinking that i am always complaining.... how many can understand wat i am going thru.. Lucky i do get 1 or 2 encouraging msg from people. True friends!!! how many I have ya...

Back to that friend of mine, for the 2 -3 weeks of msging, she went missing all of a sudden... msg her and she did not reply ya. Not quite surprised as people sometime don return my msg. My only concern is that is she dead? So somehow i found out she still alive. i msg her and she never reply. since she still alive, i just leave it as it is. Than 2 -3 weeks later, on my birthday, she msg me happy belated birthday. Huh! Appear again after missing. I ask her why never reply my msg. She say she went overseas because of work...

Is it a good reason for not replying? A good friend of your showing concern abt u when u are feeling down, and u went overseas and simplily ignore his msg.. OUTSTANDING... Sometimes i really question the value of my friendship to others. If friendship can have a price tag, how much is my friendship worth?

Yes, you may say that i am narrow-minded. But I tell you that I am not. Small and little actions show a lot. It show how much a person mean to you. how much my friendship is worth. I may not say anything, it does not mean i don know or you can take me for granted. Maybe people don realise. But I know